The BMW Mechanic

Gettin' hitched

2010-03-02T12:07:00.000-08:00

They say that "Marriage will make you holy."

It's the truth, and I'm not even married yet!

I am getting married to a wonderful woman in 46 days, and I am very excited about it. God has truly given me a wonderful companion, and I don't think I know how lucky I am. I wanted to write a little about my experience over the last 200 days or so working up to my wedding day that I thought might benefit someone else someday.

So, my opening sentence was, "Marriage will make you holy." I should also add to that some advice that I got from my church: "Marry the woman that keeps you holy, not the woman that makes you happy." At first glance, it's somewhat a strange statement, but with some qualification, it makes a whole lot of sense. What I learned a few weeks ago, was it is God's wish to make us all joyful, not merely "happy." Joyful (I think) is what you get when you are walking with Christ. Buying a new car, or a new tool, or eating a hamburger will make you happy, but can you say it would make you joyful? I don't think so. Joyful is something you get when you follow Christ, and are living the way God intends for you to live. I want that. I want to live the way God intends. Anything short of that is certain death. And not necessarily physical death, but spiritual death, which I think might be worse. Jessica is definitely the woman who will keep me holy.

Nothing has brought me closer to God than being in this relationship with Jessica. My desire to be a good husband for her has really made me take a hard look at myself and being the process of rooting out my sin in order to be a better husband for her. Example: I am a terrible impulse spender. I'll buy anything shiny if I think it'll bring me a moment of fun. The Bible calls us men to be the spiritual leader in the house, which includes leading with finances. It's not to say that Jessica and I don't make all the financial decisions together, because we do. Rather, this is a call for me to die to my selfish desires for the benefit of the family; or my wife specifically. So I can't be out there buying every little BMW part I want, I need to be saving for her, and for what is best for the family, not just my vehicular desires.

This is a hard lesson for someone who is terrible about buying anything and everything for his car. I have a garage full of tools and parts intended to be installed on the car, but have sat, gathering dust. I love my car, and I love doing "car stuff," but I need to lead, and sacrifice my lust for car things, and take care of her first.

I think this is a hard lesson for many men. We men have so many things that we want, and want to do. We like sports, and cars, and gadgets, and all kids of "toys." Many times, men put these things before the needs of their wives, and their wives become resentful to their hobbies. I've seen it many times. I pray that I always put Jessica first, and keep my car hobby for when we have extra resources, and everything is taken care of already.

So when I say that "marriage makes you holy," this is the kind of thing I am talking about. I am not even married yet, but I am already feeling the effects of God working in my heart to change my way of thinking, and take care of Jessica first, then my other hobbies come a distant second. The great thing is: I feel better about myself, and my prospects of being a good husband. Score.

Keepin' it real

2009-05-04T22:41:00.000-07:00

I know it's a trite title, but deal with it.

I think our generation (meaning generation x and generation y) are going to lead the technology backlash. I know this may be hard to believe coming from somebody like me, but I think it's coming.

Recently, I was down in Austin staying with my friends Matt and Andrea for an extended weekend. Trips to Austin are very relaxing for me, and give me a chance to reconnect with the Texan in me. I do love that hot weather, the BBQ, and the Mexican food. The Texas friendliness and laid back life style isn't bad either. It's a great place to be.

One morning, during my visit, I got up and sat on the couch in my friends' living room. I didn't turn on the TV, I just kinda sat there and relaxed and waited for my friends to get settled and come talk to me. From the kitchen, Matt asked, "You want some coffee?" "Sure!" I replied. About 10 minutes later, Matt asked, "Milk and sugar?" "Just milk," I replied. Matt slowly walked my mug over and handed it to me. I gracefully removed it from his hands and took a cautious sip, not knowing how hot it was. What happened next surprised me: it was the best coffee I'd ever had.

"What kind of coffee is this?" I don't even remember what kind he said it was, but he followed it up with, "I made it in our French Press; it makes better coffee."

Holy crap was it good. Of course, I had to go home and purchase one of these devices for myself, and you better believe I did. I'd never seen or had coffee from a French Press before, so this was a totally new concept for me. This experience, along with a few others lately have made me start thinking about the value of "real." It sounds abstract, but it's not. I'm not really an abstract kind of person, so I will make this very concrete for you. Bear with me just a second, while I set it up, and then bring it on home for you.

In our modern society we have all these things and devices that keep us connected electronically. In addition, we can have anything we want almost immediately. You want pizza? 30 minutes. Wii game that is out of stock? Amazon's got it and will have it on your doorstep tomorrow if you order in the next 35 minutes. Old lunchbox you had when you were 5? eBay's got it for $19.95 with the thermos included. The problem with having everything on demand is it's not fun, and we don't appreciate it. Plus, finding your old lunch box on eBay isn't a very interesting story. What happened to endlessly searching for and old Atari game or Star Wars toy at garage sales and antique malls? Part of the fun of finding something like that was the search! Plus buying it on eBay doesn't give you that human interaction that a garage sale might. It's just a transaction.

Our fast paced society has deprived us from the joy of cooking our own meals, and sitting in your living room and listening to an entire album from start to finish. Or what about taking a walk through a park and smelling real flowers and trees? I can't tell you how many deserted parks I've been to lately. Parks are free and quiet! There is some real value in taking time to appreciate this wonderful world God has given us, and not toil and fret about eating, or shopping, or cramming everything into your day. I retrieved my Dad's old record player from our basement last week, and I have made it a point to start listening to albums and not just songs. I'm also going to start baking my own bread, and taking more walks.

I've been horribly guilty of filling my life with crap and busyness. I'm want to break the cycle and spend more time enjoying the world around me. When I get home, I'm gonna make myself some coffee and listen to Led Zeppelin II.

Ahhhh..

2009-02-25T05:07:00.000-08:00

Did you watch the President last night? What a change from our last President.

Wordle

2009-01-30T09:53:00.001-08:00

My friends Evans and Otis did a "wordle"of their blog, so of course I had to do one too.

I love that the most common words I use are "Jessica," "made" and "love." Fantastic.

Me, Jess and the Smashing Pumpkins

2008-12-08T06:30:00.000-08:00

7 things

2008-12-04T13:44:00.000-08:00

My friend Lucy tagged me in her blog today, so I thought i might return the favor. Someone put her to the test on 7 random things that I suppose people may or may not know about her. Since I usually wear my heart on my sleeve, it's hard to think of 7 things people may not know about me. I'll give it a shot anyway:

1. I am a darn good cross-stitcher. About 3 months ago, I started on a little project for my pals in Austin, Jeremy and Jessica Jeremy actually gave me the idea from this website called Subversive Crossstitch. Basically it's a bunch of mildly to extremely offensive crossstitch patterns you can make. I am by no means an expert at crossstitching, but my mom taught me how to do it a number of years ago, and now I am pretty good at it.

2. I like ballet. Once a year, I like to go see the ballet. It's doesn't really fit with my typical "manly" activities like fixing the car, or rolling in the dirt with the dog, but I do enjoy it about once a year. I haven't gone since I lived in Austin, but I will probably go again sometime soon.

3. I like to bake. More specifically, I like to use my kitchenaid mixer. Jessica turned me on to this awesome piece of machinery about 2 years ago, and now I love to throw anything I can together and mix it all up.

4. I am extremely brand loyal. I guess this comes from loving Apple for so long, but if I find a brand of clothing I really like or brand of electronics I really like, I usually will only buy that brand. Polo, Oakley, Apple, BMW, Craftsman, Swatch are a few of my favorites.

5. I secretly want to be a police officer. I absolutely cannot get enough of these COP shows. I must watch 5-10 hours of these shows a week. They never get old either. I love watching and hearing what these idiot criminals will do to get out of being arrested. I would love to dive around at high speed all the time busting bad dudes every day. Plus the brotherhood that comes with the job seems intriguing to me as well.

6. I love a good party. You may have noticed that I love throwing parties. I just love being surrounded by friends and laughing about stupid stuff and taking about nothing. It's great fun to be surrounded by friends. I love being hospitable.

7. I love music and movie posters. I've got posters of the Smashing Pumpkins, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and some other movie posters in my apartment. I don't really have any "art" on my walls.

So I am now throwing it out to my friends:

Jessica
Roach
Kelly
Mrs. Juicebox
Amy
Matt
Andrea
Tommy

Looking forward to reading your posts!

I met Billy Corgan

2008-11-30T21:02:00.001-08:00

Jessica and I went to the St. Louis Smashing Pumpkins show on the night before Thanksgiving. About 3 months ago, this company called "I Love All Access" was offering tickets along with a chance to meet the band, and couple other nice things for a single price. Since the Smashing Pumpkins are a favorite band of Jessica's and mine, we decided to pony up the cash and go. Since I wasn't sure how popular the tickets were going to be, I had my computer ready as soon as the tickets went on sale so I could make sure that I got them. What I didn't know until the night of the concert was that I was the FIRST person to buy the tickets, and therefore had front and center tickets for the actual concert. Never in my life have I ever sat so close at a rock concert. It was AMAZING. We were so close to Billy we could have reached out and touched him. We even scored two discarded picks during the show. Of course I will be holding on to it forever and ever ;)

So in addition to sitting in the front row, we had an opportunity to meet Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin before the show started, get one thing signed, and ask them a few questions. They mostly talked about how the music industry has changed since the 90's and that "everyone steals music," and "no one buys albums anymore." Jessica and I both agreed that we really didn't care what they talked about, we just wanted to sit and listen to them talk. After the Q&A session, we walked back out to the lobby with Jimmy and Billy, and they actually stood and talked to us a little more. Jimmy turned out to be a really nice and outgoing guy. He's even a Mac user! ;) Needless to say, Jessica and I were star-struck, and we'll probably do this again if we get the opportunity.

Here is one of the pictures I took from our seats:

It ain't easy buying American

2008-11-07T07:48:00.000-08:00

The first week of my experiment in buying only American is almost over, and I've had some interesting results.

It's not looking good for America.

Nearly everything I evaluated this week was made in China. For example, on Monday, I had to go to Wal-Mart and purchase an extension cord and a power strip to do a presentation for a school district. I actually left early so that I could go to Wal-Mart and make sure I looked for an American made product. No luck.

At any price, Wal-Mart did not offer any kind of extension cord, or power strip that was made in America. Everything they had was made in China. No American options. Since I had limited time to look anywhere else in Moberly, MO (where I was) I had no choice, I needed the extension cord, and I had to buy it.

Last Saturday, Jessica and I went shopping for pillows and blankets at Bed Bath and Beyond. Even though we were surprised to find some plastic storage units made in America, every blanket and pillow we looked at was either made in Poland or China. No American options whatsoever. We also found that most every kitchen utensil was also made in China. Not a thing made in this country.

Where we have had some success is with food. It is quite easy to purchase food made in this country. With the exception of Alcohol, hardly anything is made overseas. On top of that, we've been able to buy all of our wine and beer from Missouri companies! Two wineries in Missouri make excellent wine: Stone Hill and Mount Pleasant. The best part is that these wineries all have excellent wines for under $15, and some under $10, which although is a luxury, is easier on the budget. Specifically, Jessica and I like the Claret from Mount Pleasant ($9.99).

I'll update you again next week, as I continue to try and only buy American.

Yes we did!

2008-11-05T08:30:00.000-08:00

I am proud to be an American this morning.

I am thrilled how this election has brought people together, especially here in Urban St. Louis, where "White Flight" and de facto segregation has fractured white and black relations in this city for years. Staking the Obama sign in my front yard has brought me smiles, waves and friendly conversation from all kinds of people here in Urban St. Louis. I've had people talk with me at stop lights because of the bumper sticker on my car. I saw 500 people waiting in line at 6AM to vote, and I saw many old men and women that clearly lived though segregation that voted for a black president.

President Elect Obama said it accurately last night, "This victory is not change, but a chance for change."

I'll accept Obama's challenge to work together to make this a better country for everyone. Young and old, rich and poor, white or black. I have several friends that are Republican, and were voting for McCain. I know that many of their concerns were based on national security, large government, higher taxes, and so forth. To these friends I say this: I hope that this administration works with everyone to come up with the best solution that best serves the most people. I don't want this to be 4 years of "getting back at the republicans for the last 8 years." I really hope that we move forward together, and meet in the middle, not on the left or the right.

The problem I have with the GOP

2008-10-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

Tonight, while I was at my Dad's house having dinner, we were watching a documentary on the presidency of Jimmy Carter. Without going into much detail, it's safe to say I think that President Carter's presidency was laden with problems. It wasn't hard to see that a straight-talking, honest, intelligent Ronald Reagan was a breath of fresh air for the country. In fact, given the situation in 1980, I would have probably voted for Reagan too. I'd like to consider myself an independent voter, even though I have typically voted democrat for the last 12 years.

I considered voting for McCain in this election, because I though it was right to consider both candidates equally. I actually like McCain's energy proposals, along with some other various proposals listed on his website.

What I can't wrap my head around is how the Republican party can continue to claim that they are the fiscally conservative party. How is it that the American public is not crying "Bullshit!" on these claims that somehow a Republican administration will be any different that the one that was in power for the 6.5 years during President Bush's administration. The Republican Congress and President inherited a budget SURPLUS in 2001 when they took over the majority in both the House and the Senate, and the Oval office. Now, we have a $410 Billion dollar deficit, and our national debt has increased from $5.5 Trillion to over $9 Trillion according to brillig.com. When Bush took over, the national debt was actually in decline. We've now increased our debt to other nations by 50% and reduced the value of our dollar.

So despite the fact that our richest Americans have enjoyed lower taxes for 8 years, the value of our dollar has decreased, effectively increasing the cost to buy products from other countries. Our 401ks have lost value, our homes have lost value, and our investments have lost value. Have the deregulation policies helped us? Did the tax cuts really save us money? Did the tax savings really trickle down to the folks in the middle class? Did the laissez faire policies of the investment market really expand and increase our wealth?

In addition, those that call Obama a socialist seem to not think that the $700B bailout of the banking system is somehow NOT socialist. The definition of socialism is "a political and economic theory of social organization that advocates that the means of production, distribution, and exchange should be owned or regulated by the community as a whole." What about the government purchasing controlling shares in American banks is not socialist? Since politicians deem it necessary to take control of the banking system because it's good for the country somehow makes it acceptable socialism. Even though it's not a fantastic situation that we have to bail out our banks, it may be that it is for the good of the whole, and why is that wrong? If those that oppose Obama's "socialist" policies truly believe in laissez faire business policies and caveat emptor for investors, then they must oppose the bailout. The bailout is a pure socialist act, by definition.

I would love to be wrong about the Republican party and their recent fiscal policies. If I'm wrong, I would love to hear about it. But, a nearly $10 Trillion dollar debt, and $410 Billion dollar deficit doesn't say to me that the Republicans are fiscally conservative. If I'm wrong, please tell me. The evidence suggests otherwise.

It's worse that we think (I think)

2008-10-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

Jessica and I were out at a few stores last night shopping for towels, shower curtains and such. We went to Marshalls and LBed Bath and Beyond. Even though I haven't officially started my month of buying all American products, we were shocked to find that almost everything that they carried was in fact made in China. We couldn't find anything that was made in America. To be honest though, the prices were very attractive, and normally, I would have just thought, "What a great deal," and been on my way.

I also bought a set of pillows. The covers were made in China, but the labels went on to say that they were filled and finished in the USA. I guess that's something. It surprises me that a product could be partially made in one country, finished here, and still sold for less than $20. Unbelievable.

So last night, here is what I bought:

Shower Curtain from Marshalls: $12.99 Made in China (no American Choice)
Two Pillows from Marshalls: $16.99 Made 1/2 in China, Half in USA
Bed Skirt from Bed Bath and Beyond: $24.99 (On Sale) Made in China

I think this is going to be a lot harder than I originally planned.

My Patriotic November Experiment

2008-10-22T04:52:00.000-07:00

It is my perception and belief (bolstered by my 4 rigorous semesters of economics in college) that part of our economic problem has been caused by the fact that hardly any products are made in America. So many of our products are made in other countries now. Whenever we buy something that is made in another country, our dollars flow to those other countries. When those countries have a lot of our dollars, the value of our dollar is reduced. What compounds the issue is when these foreign countries are not buying anything from us. The net result is that our dollar is less desirable than other currencies, and thus loses value.

What is also an issue is that American companies are producing their products overseas, which closes plants and lays off factory workers here at home. If companies could turn a fair profit and keep their plants open here in the US, then we would have lower unemployment numbers, and a stronger dollar.

So, for the month of November, I am going to document my attempt to only buy products made in the United States. I will be documenting what I bought, and how much I paid for products made in America. I will also be sharing with you what stores stock American made products and which ones do not. I will be scrutinizing everything from food, to clothing, to gasoline. For the month of November, I am going to go out of my way to only buy products made in this country.

My hypothesis about this experiment is that it's going to be very tough to find products that are made in the USA. It seems that every time I look at a label on a product I see the words "Made in China." I don't have anything against China really, but if I have a choice who is going to get my money, I would rather it go to an American company who employs Americans, and is supporting the American economy.

Gotta give him credit

2008-10-17T11:03:00.001-07:00

McCain took the high road with this lady, and I have to give him credit for it:

Daisy Update!

2008-10-15T08:22:00.000-07:00

Daisy is turning out to be a great dog!

I took her in yesterday to the Vet and they said she looks and acts very healthy! She completed all of her puppy shots yesterday, and doesn't need any more shots for one year. She weighed a whopping 28 pounds yesterday! A month ago, she only weighed 7 pounds! So in a month, she has tripled in weight. I swear there are days when I wake up and she looks taller than the day before.
She stands about 18" tall right now. Compared to Tucker, my Dad's Golden who is 22" tall, she is pretty tall for only being 4 months old.

In about a month, I will get her spayed because I have zero interest in dealing with dogs in heat, or breeding her. Since every dog my parents have ever had (Tucker and Berit, also Goldens) were spayed at early ages, I don't even know what it's like having a dog that goes in heat.

Daisy has also been sleeping in bed with me at night, which she likes much better than sleeping in her cage for sure. I found out that she sometimes snores and farts in her sleep, and I unfortunately discovered both of those fun facts on the same night.

She has a lot of puppy energy still, and I will probably be enrolling her in obedience classes soon, so I can start directing some of that energy in a positive direction. She already sits, shakes and lays down on command. She also can sometimes alert me that she needs to go out, but we are still working on that one. Luckily, her accidents have become fewer and farther between.

Although she can be a challenge at times, I am still glad I got her.

One less organ to worry about

2008-10-08T13:42:00.000-07:00

So there might be a few of you that I haven't told that I recently (2 weeks ago) had my gallbladder removed via a laparoscopic procedure. About a month and a half ago, after enjoying a very spicy and delicious Qdoba burrito, I started having some severe pain in my stomach. I wasn't terribly naueous, but the pain was centered right in the center of my abdomen, just beneath my sternum. The pain was bad enough for me to go to hospital at 1:30AM. After about 3 hours of diagnosis, chest x-rays, blood tests and finally an ultrasound, they discovered that I had some nice sized gallstones in my abdomen, and that I was having a gallbladder attack--my first one ever.

If you don't know what your gallbaldder does, it stores bile made by the liver between meals. Bile is an enzyme that emulsifies fat you've consumed and makes it absorbable in the small intestine. The gallbladder, pancreas, and the liver all feed the small intestine digestive juices via the common bile duct. The gallbladder secretes bile after the stomach releases a hormone into your bloodstream that signals the gallbladder that bile is needed to digest food that contains fat. In my case, and other people's cases, calcium and/or cholesterol can harden in the gallbladder and form stones. Typically, those that are at high risk are the 4 "F's:" Fat, Forty, Female, and Fertile. In my case, I was high risk because of heredity.

So after a followup ultrasound, I conclusively had 3 large gallstones in my gallbladder that were, at least until that point, asymptomatic. But after my first attack, anytime I ate anything with fat, my side began to hurt, I would feel dizzy, and I would feel hot, although I was not feverish.

My Surgeon recommended that I have my gallbladder removed as soon as possible. My case was not severe since I did not have any gallstones stuck in my common bile duct, but if one were to become lodged, my surgery would have been more complicated, and my recovery time would have been longer. I decided that it was gonna come out now rather than later.

So for those that have never had surgery, I'll tell you what it's like. It seems a whole lot scarier than it really is. Since I have little problem with anesthesia, the to surgeries for me were relatively smooth.

The first thing you do after you get into your pre-op room is that you undress and put on a hospital gown. Then you lie in bed while they bring in a bunch of insurance forms to fill out. They also ask you several times what your name is, and what procedure you are having performed. This I'm sure, is to make sure people aren't getting the wrong surgery, and also to make sure people aren't there against their will. At any rate, the nurse will give you an IV, and take your blood. After the IV is started, the Anesthetist comes in and asks you a bunch of questions to make sure they give you the correct dosage of anesthesia. Then after that, the Nurse Anesthetist comes into the room and administers a small amount of anesthesia to make sure you can handle it. After you get this shot (in your IV of course) you start feeling a little dizzy, or kinda like you are drunk. It's not bad really. Finally, after they determine you can handle the drug, they give you the rest of the medicine, and wheel you into the operating room. When I had my appendix out, I didn't remember them wheeling me into the operating room, but on this surgery, I did remember. I also remember them asking me to move over on the operating table, and then nothing after that.

I was given my first shot of anesthesia at 7:30AM and I remember waking up at 8:30AM. The hospital is nice enough to put a big giant digital clock on the wall so you can see what time it is. Everything is really fuzzy when you first wake up from surgery, but they wake you up because they want to make sure you are getting enough oxygen in your brain, and that you don't get blood clots in your legs. In fact, they put your legs in these pressurized tubes that apply pressure to your legs occasionally so you don't get clots in your legs that could cause a stroke. It kinda feels like a giant blood pressure cuff squeezing your legs every few minutes.

I was in the post-op recovery room for about 30 minutes while they watched me. My throat was really sore from the breathing tube, but it wasn't too terrible, I just couldn't eat or drink anything acidic for about 2 days.

From there, I was wheeled into a recovery room where Jessica, Mom and Dad joined me. The pain of the surgery wasn't too bad, although I now have 4 permenant scars, 3 nickel-sized scars staring below my Xiphoid process, and angling down along my last rib on my right side, and one big incision near my navel.

I went home at about 1:30PM that day and laid on the couch all the rest of the day. Getting around was painful since my abdomen was sore from the surgery, but I was able to walk around relatively pain free very shortly after the surgery. Riding in the car was not fun, especially in my car, which I'd recently modified with tighter suspension. It was probably the only time I didn't want to feel every bump in the road.

It's been over a week since my surgery now, and I really feel very good today. I have had little trouble eating (although I've been watching my fat intake very closely) and my incisions are healing very nicely. I really don't have any soreness today, but I have just a little residual soreness in my abdomen. I haven't felt hot at all since the surgery, nor have I had any pain in my digestive tract. Although my doctor said I can eat anything I want, I've read some accounts of people who have eaten a lot of fat during a meal, and paid for it with a trip to the bathroom very soon after. I'll be conservative on my fat intake from now on, but I am sure that I can have BBQ and Mexican food still (thank God!)

I am so thankful to God for getting me through this surgery, and for all the prayers from my friends and family. I am very sure that it helped!

By request:

2008-09-24T14:45:00.001-07:00

My dear friend Andrea in Austin asked for some more pictures of Daisy. Here you go!

Daisy checking out my Dad's Golden Retriever, Tucker:

Daisy's first bath at home:

Daisy and I on a walk:

Why I am voting for Obama

2008-09-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

This November, I will be voting in the Presidential Election for the 4th time in my life. When I was younger, I voted only for whom I had a good "gut feel." In fact, I think most American's vote this way, but even though I usually vote Democrat, I always try to keep an open mind. In the race for Governor of Missouri, I'm actually considering the Republican Candidate, since I agree with his energy policy for the State of Missouri. The Democratic candidate, Jay Nixon also has a good resume. He helped create the National No-Call list, which I think everyone appreciates.

In the case for the President, I think there is no clearer choice than Obama. I'll bullet point my reasons here:

1. Energy:
Although Obama has backed away from his original stance on "no more drilling," Obama instead proposes that oil companies "use or lose" the drilling leases they already hold BEFORE new locations are drilled. Many of the oil companies already have leases to drill on lands here in the US and are NOT DRILLING in places where they are already allowed to do so. I can only guess that the oil companies just want to control the supply MORE so that they can hike up the price and keep it high. In addition, there is no doubt that out oil supplies are finite. We WILL run out some day. And even if it's not in our lifetime, prices will continue to rise, and make it more difficult to travel. What's more, fossil fuels pollute our atmosphere. It's time to find a resource that is renewable AND environmentally friendly. It is time to encourage the smart people here in the US to come up with something other than oil to power our transportation. I believe that if America can invent the technology to create clean and renewable energy for tomorrow, that other countries will begin to buy products and services from the US, and we will continue to be the world's economic superpower.

2. Taxes.
Obama's tax plan would decrease taxes for 80% of Americans, and cut taxes 3 times more than McCain's plan. McCain's plan would only really benefit the wealthiest Americans and Corporations. Although I am not in favor of higher taxes for anyone, it would seem that it's time to give the average American a break. These 80% of Americans would see an average of a $1100 tax break under Obama and only $325 under McCain (Source: NBC News)

3. The War.
We've heard from John McCain that he would be willing to stay in Iraq for "100 years," and joked about bombing Iran by replacing the lyrics from the Beach Boy's song "Barbara Ann" with "Bomb Iran."

I don't know that I agree that bombing another nation is a laughing or joking matter. I am not in favor of the Iraq war, because it was waged on false pretenses (where are the weapons of mass destruction?) and was against a country that was a not a clear and present danger to the United States. 92,000 Iraqi civilians have died from our actions in Iraqi, and more importantly, 4,300 Young American Soldiers have perished in this war. In addition, we've stretched our service men and women so tight, that they are serving far longer than they should, and not in Afghanistan, where the actual terrorists are. I think it's very clear that we are in Iraq for one thing: Oil. Clearly, invading and occupying a country is not a successful way to stabilize a region. Obama wants to responsibly end the war in Iraq, and bring our troops home to their families. As for Iran, I think Obama's approach of talking to, rather than ignoring Iran might be a good first course of action.

4. Gun Control
McCain is in favor of lifting the ban on assault Rifles, armor-piercing bullets, and the waiting period on hand guns. (Source: johnmccain.com) I can't see how assault rifles or armor-piercing bullets could be used for anything other than committing crimes. Frankly, this would only serve to increase the risk to our Police Officers, who already risk their lives for us everyday.

5. Corporate Tax Loopholes
One of the problems with our economy today (and one of the reasons gas is expensive) is that the value of our dollar is weak against other foreign currencies. One of things that has contributed to this problem is that we have enormous trade deficits with other countries, like China. Although I would oppose any tariffs or restrictions that would put a strain on the American consumer, but we should not encourage companies to move jobs away from the US with tax breaks for doing so. Obama wants to close these loopholes so that fewer jobs are lost to overseas manufacturing. In addition, closing the Bermuda offshore tax shelter loophole would also benefit this country greatly.

6. Wrong Advisors

It is the opinion of many that our economic crisis has been created by people from large financial institutions lobbying for less regulation of the financial industry. I think part of the reason we are in so much hot water today is because loose lending practices awarded loans to people or businesses who shouldn't have had them. Many of the people in McCain's campaign are from companies who either provided funds for these questionable loans, or insured these questionable loans:

AIG – Wayne Berman, National Finance Committee Co-Chair
Merrill Lynch – Charlie Black, McCain Campaign Senior Adviser
Merrill Lynch – Daniel Crippen, Senior Policy Adviser
Fannie Mae – Arthur Culvahouse, head of McCain V-P search
Fannie Mae – Aquiles Suarez, Economic Adviser
Freddie Mac – Juleanna Glover Weiss, Women for McCain Steering Committee

Meanwhile, Obama said this:

"We will not take a dime from Washington lobbyists or special interest PACS - we're going to change how Washington works. They will not fund my party, they will not run our White House, and they will not drown out the voice of the American people when I am president of the United States of America." (Sunlen Miller, "Obama Commends DNC For Cutting Lobbyist
Contributions," ABC News' "Political Radar" Blog, 6/5/08)

To sum up, McCain's proposed policies would continue giving tax breaks to the wealthiest Americans, discourage development of Green technologies, continue the war in Iraq, potentially start a war in Iran, continue giving tax breaks and incentives to those companies who move American jobs offshore, and practice predatory and unethical lending practices. Obama would cut taxes for the middle class, encourage the development of green technology, close tax loopholes that encourage moving jobs offshore, and responsibly end the war in Iraq.

When you go to vote, remember this

2008-09-22T05:25:00.000-07:00

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety." -Ben Franklin

Daisy gets a clean bill of health!

2008-09-17T04:29:00.001-07:00

I took Daisy to the Vet yesterday for her 2nd round of shots and her 4 month checkup. The Vet gave her a clean bill of health! She had a little digestive parasite about 3 weeks ago when I first took her to Vet, but they checked her during our visit yesterday and said that she was all clear. Whew!

She's doing really well actually. Although she still whines, bites and sometimes has an accident, she has already learned to sit, shake and lay down. I am a proud dog-parent!

Since it's the end of the fiscal year, I've been able to stay home with her a little more than normal, so I can keep her out the cage more during the day. I hate leaving her in the cage at all, but I know how important crate training is for her.

My biggest challenge with her right now is the nipping and biting. My hands look like I've been unsuccessfully juggling knives in my spare time from all the scratches and bite marks. I need to figure out how to keep her from biting me so much.

Obama on the Economy

2008-09-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

Quite possibly Obama's best speech on the economy yet:

I felt good after I watched this.

McCain's Radical Plan for Health Care

2008-09-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't gotten political on my blog in some time, but because McCain has been publishing commercials that say things about Obama that are utterly false, and in my opinion, saying whatever he can to get elected, I've had about enough. This month, I have to go and get necessary surgery, and I am so thankful that I have decent health care that doesn't cost me too much every month. I can't imagine how I would have paid for this surgery had I not had health insurance. But if McCain wins the election in November, my healthcare costs will go up. McCain wants to tax the money your employer gives you for health insurance every month.

According to the New York Times, "...the McCain health plan would treat employer-paid health benefits as income that employees would have to pay taxes on.

'It means your employer is going to have to make an estimate on how much the employer is paying for health insurance on your behalf, and you are going to have to pay taxes on that money,' said Sherry Glied, an economist who chairs the Department of Health Policy and Management at Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health.

Ms. Glied is one of the four scholars who have just completed an independent joint study of the plan. Their findings are being published on the Web site of the policy journal, Health Affairs.

According to the study: 'The McCain plan will force millions of Americans into the weakest segment of the private insurance system — the nongroup market — where cost-sharing is high, covered services are limited and people will lose access to benefits they have now.'

The net effect of the plan, the study said, 'almost certainly will be to increase family costs for medical care.'

Under the McCain plan (now the McCain-Palin plan) employees who continue to receive employer-paid health benefits would look at their pay stubs each week or each month and find that additional money had been withheld to cover the taxes on the value of their benefits." **

The article goes on to say that the reason that McCain is proposing this plan is so that people will be forced into the healthcare open marketplace where a free market economy would drive up competition and force healthcare companies to compete for consumers business. The only problem I have with this (and I agree with this article,) is that unregulated markets that provide goods or services that are nearly essential to the "American way of life" i.e. mortgages, oil, and investment banks have all either taken advantage of the American people, gone bankrupt, or required some sort of government intervention to stay afloat. This intervention has come in the form of funds or direct government takeover. Clearly there are some markets in this country than cannot be solely regulated by the free market alone, they must have government oversight.

Now to be fair, the McCain plan does include a $2500 individual and $5000 family tax break for those who buy their own health care, but this new tax will undoubtedly cause many people to not have coverage at all, and most likely reduce the quality of the aggregate public health in the country. What if all public services were pushed out to the free market? Would we have to purchase our own police and fire protection plans? Pay fees to use parks, and roads?

I am all for open marketplace and fair competition, but when it comes to people's lives, their money, their safety, or their homes, I do not think it is wise to just allow the marketplace to decide who gets the best healthcare, and who does not. I am offended as an American that McCain is proposing a new tax on HEALTH CARE while running commercials falsely accusing Obama of proposing to raise taxes on the middle class. It's an absolutely false claim.

** Herbert, Bob "McCain's Radical Agenda" The New York Times http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/16/opinion/16herbert.html?ex=1379304000&en=002e12e7e04e2233&ei=5124&partner=digg&exprod=digg

Driveshaft

2008-09-10T20:44:00.000-07:00

So, for many months now, my BMW has been making this terrible noise when I let off the clutch and accelerate. I was hearing this wobbling or rattling noise coming from the middle of the car that would come and go very quickly. It was very annoying, and required more cautious clutch engagement and accelerator pedal usage. Not exactly the way I like to drive. I usually like having my foot all the way on the floor ;)

So when I first started hearing this noise, I began replacing little relatively inexpensive parts, like the driveshaft flex bushing (guibo), and the rear differential mount bushing, and then the center driveshaft support bearing. Those little things maybe set me back $100-$150. Unfortunately, none of those things were broken. After much effort and consternation, I concluded that the problem was the great white whale I'd been avoiding: the driveshaft itself.

So let me explain something to you about a BMW driveshaft. It might as well be a Tiffany diamond. It comes from a German factory where I'm sure German midgets riding Unicorns to work inspect it with a microscope and balance it so finely that even Stevie Wonder couldn't feel a vibration while it was turning. In fact, I bet they reanimate der Fürher to make sure that it's German enough before it goes in the box bound for the United States. What I am getting at here is that it was very expensive.

So finally this evening I had a little time to spend with the car and remove the old, wobblier-than-a-Kirksville-drunk driveshaft and install the blessed-by-the-German-purity-law new driveshaft. and I have to say, it was a remarkable thing. There are few joys in life like the one you get when you successfully repair something on your car. Especially something that might have well been a broken seat spring that was poking you in the butt every time you drove the car. At least, that is what it was like for me. I am so glad it's fixed. Jessica said it best tonight, "That's one less thing you have to stress out about."

Indeed.

The first picture is the rear of the driveshaft looking rearwards from the front of the car.

The second picture is the middle of the driveshaft and the center support bearing.

The third picture is where the driveshaft connects to the transmission. The large rubber donut you see is the flex disc, or "guibo."

The last picture is Daisy riding the car with me... :)

A trial for sure

2008-09-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

Raising a puppy is hard work. ...and frustrating too. I've had Daisy for a week now, and I can easily say that raising her is the hardest thing I've ever done. She wakes up in the middle of the night howling, she bites me all the time, and when I don't keep a close eye on her, she pees in my kitchen. It's tough, and from someone who is used to being only responsible for himself, now having to be responsible for another life is a big change.

I've always wanted to have a Golden Retriever Puppy, and I remember thinking to myself, "I'll train her right." Training her correctly is a difficult and exhausting task. Jessica and my Dad have been helping me with her, and I can easily say, that I can't do it without them. My stress and frustration level is high with her, and she is teaching me a new kind of patience. Jessica is really helping me out because she will take Daisy or distract her when it is becoming clear that I am getting upset or overly frustrated with her behavior. Being constantly on guard with her is horribly exhausting, and even though I expected I would have to be vigilant with her, I guess I didn't know how tiring it would be.

Having Daisy is definitely testing my patience, diligence, and level of commitment. I think in the past something so difficult would have caused me to quit or give up, but I am determined to stick it out with this dog and make it work.

Daisy found a friend

2008-08-28T20:19:00.000-07:00

Jessica babysat Daisy today and took this AWESOME picture:

More of Daisy

2008-08-24T20:48:00.001-07:00

Jessica holding Daisy:

Hanging out in the kitchen:

Taking a nap after lunch:

Daisy

2008-08-24T01:56:00.000-07:00

I brought home Daisy today. She is a 2 month old Golden Retriever. Some guy who breeds Goldens was selling puppies from the back of his truck in Lake of the Ozarks, MO this weekend. Jessica and I were on an outlet mall shopping trip, when I saw these little puppies. I busted a u-turn right in the middle of the road because I had to check it out. Sure enough, as soon as I walked up to the back of the truck, a lady put Daisy in my arms, and I couldn't resist!

Thank God Jessica was there. She held her all the way back to St. Louis despite the fact she was stinky and dirty.

Answered prayers

2008-08-18T13:46:00.000-07:00

So, I seem to forget that God does ACTUALLY answer prayers for me. I get really skeptical that he really cares about every little detail of my life until little insignificant prayers are actually answered. As soon as they were answered, I wanted to write them down so I would remember them and not forget that God really does care about all the little details too. Here they are with accompanying stories:

1. About 2 months ago, I was trying to fix the A/C in my BMW. As I was removing relays and fuses, I inadvertently switched two relays and put them in backwards. This immediately caused some electrical problem and the A/C quit working completely. Since this car is way more complicated than I can handle, I decided to take it in to the dealer to have it repaired. Well, it took them almost 12 hours to figure out what was wrong, and the cost to fix it was well past $1000. I prayed that the dealership would have mercy on me, and sure enough, the service writer cut me a break and charged me significantly less than what I should have owed them, parts and all. I was so relieved. Prayer answered.

2. A potential customer and I got off to a bad start when I was introduced to her. During our first conversation, she was upset that I hadn't called her immediately and shipped her some samples of our product to try out. I was a little perturbed with her attitude, but I agreed to her request to come down to her school and deliver a training session. On the day that I was to go visit her, I was short one computer and I was running late. I prayed to God for help, and low and behold, I was able to pick up one of my computers, make it to the session only 15 minutes late, and deliver a great presentation. At the end, the customer was so happy with me and the effort I had put forth, that I knew that God had intervened.

3. Two weeks ago, Jessica took me to the emergency room because I was having chest pains. As you know, I rarely get sick, save the annual flu/cold, so something like chest pains was a serious cause for concern for me. I was worried that the stress of my family, work and my stupid car hobby had caused me to injure myself somehow, and now I was paying the price. After 5 hours in the emergency room and multiple blood tests, it turned out that I had a mild case of indigestion, and nothing to worry about. Certainly I was praying that there was nothing wrong with me, and God delivered again.

I need to remember to appreciate the prayers that do get answered because I think there are a lot more of them that are answered than I realize. Plus, thinking about the ones that get answered helps me know that God really does care about every little detail of my life, no matter how insignificant. It really does help to pray, and have faith that God will take care of you. I hope you believe that for yourself too.

Admit it: Elliott is cute

2008-08-18T07:46:00.001-07:00

I keep asking Mike and Emily why they even have cable. Their son is so adorable. I would be completely entertained all day just watching him:

Good times with Elliott

2008-08-05T12:17:00.000-07:00

My Godson Elliott couldn't be cuter, and I was blessed to spend time with him in Kirksville this weekend. His parents, Mike and Emily, are very good friends of mine from college, and we spent a weekend in our old college town reliving the old days.

A few photos from our trip

2008-07-30T15:29:00.001-07:00

Jessica and I had a great time out in the Southwest. Here are a few photos:

Sunrise Crater in Flagstaff, Arizona

At the South Rim of the Grand Canyon:

Long House at Mesa Verde:

Jessica and I at Balcony House in Mesa Verde National Park:

The Painted Desert:

If you ever have a chance to visit this part of the country, don't hesitate; it's absolutely beautiful!

From a Subway in Illinois

2008-07-28T11:19:00.000-07:00

Jessica and I just got back from a trip that took us through New Mexico, Arizona, Utah and Colorado. Few people will disagree that this part of the country has some of the most beautiful landscape that you will ever see. We visited the Grand Canyon, Mesa Verde, Arches National Park, and a few other beautiful places that are truly a gift from our creator.

My favorite stop on this trip was Mesa Verde National Park, a place where 800 year old Native American ruins still stand to this day. The Anasazi and Puebloan people that inhabited this region in the 1200's did so with very little at their disposal. They lived off of beans, corn and squash. Their drinking water seeped from the sandstone mountains and cliff faces in which they built their small but impressive cities. These Indians had very little; they had not yet discovered metal, and certainly had no cars, or horses, or cell phones, or the internet, or anything like that. They lived on only what they could grow or catch in the wild.

Being on this trip really made me think, "I own a lot of crap." I mean, I have a whole apartment full of stuff. I have two closets and one dresser full of clothes, I have two cars (3 if you count the company car,) 3 televisions, two couches, 15 pairs of shoes, 7 Watches, 3 pairs of sunglasses, and the list goes on. I have way more than I need. Yet, these people in these cliff dwellings lived just fine with less than a tenth of what I own. Even though I won't been moving into a cave anytime soon, I realized that I've got to quit buying so much crap, and donate a lot of what I own. I would venture to say that I don't even need half of what I own. I also realized that the more that I own, the more I have to worry about it. Since I have two cars now, I have to insure both, get license plates for both, and fix both. That's twice the mental energy and effort to support two vehicles than the one. When I had an opportunity to step away from all of it for just a little while last week, I realized that I worry about a lot of unnecessary crap.

Over the next few weeks, I will be working to declutter my life, and let go of a bunch of stuff that I no longer need. It's time for me to simplify my life and focus on what is more important: God and my earthly relationships. That is what is really important.

No Shame

2008-07-14T22:06:00.000-07:00

Yeah. On the way home from the Otis's tonight, I stopped by the HEB and picked up some Blue Bell. Mmmm.

Things I like about St. Louis

2008-07-13T21:08:00.000-07:00

Today, I am writing you from my favorite place in the world: Austin, TX. I'm here about once every other month either on business, or visiting friends. I am lucky that my boss is also from here, and always lets me extend my trip so that I can spend more time with my friends who I miss dearly every day of the week.

While enjoying a very delicious Shiner Beer last night, a friend asked me, "Name 5 things you like about St. Louis." I didn't have a quick answer for her, but after some thought, I came up with a few:

1. Steak n Shake. Many a night and a date was spent at this fine eating establishment. I'm not much of a fancy food eater, so diner food is right up my alley. As a sub-21 year old, it was a great place to hang out when I was in High School, or back home from College. Open 24 hours, endless refills of coffee, and Diet Coke. The Chili-Mac, Frisco Melt, the Bacon Cheese Double and the Cookies ad Cream shake are all favorites of mine. And in St. Louis, there is one on every corner. God Bless Steak n Shake.

2. Soulard Farmers Market. Jessica and I re-discovered this little gem of St. Louis about a month ago, and now I can't get enough of this place. With so much of our money going out of the country right now for foreign food, it's nice to be able to hand money to an American and know that your money is staying here and going to an American farmer. Remember when fruits and vegetables had seasons? The scarcity of certain produce forced you to try things you weren't used to, and caused you to look forward to strawberry season, or watermelon season. Now you can have it whenever you want it, and taken some of the anticipation out of shopping for food. To top it all off, it's just as good, if not better than the supermarket produce, and it's cheaper. Plus they but your selections in a paper bag.

3. Bud Light. I travel quite a bit; I've seen the two oceans that border this country in two month's time, and spend a lot of time in places like Texas, and Chicago. Bud Light tastes good only in St. Louis. I'm sorry if that offends any of my die-hard St. Louis readers, but Bud Light tastes terrible everywhere else. Maybe I think that because I am so used to having it in STL. But there is nothing like a tall cold Bud Light at the Cardinals game. There is something special about a cold beer that you know was brewed just blocks away, hours earlier.

4. Autumn. There are few things in life I enjoy more than a walk or a drive on a brisk autumn Sunday Morning when all the leaves are changing colors, there is a faint smell of campfire in the air, and it's just warm enough so you can still roll the windows down and inhale the sweet and woody smell of autumn. I look forward to this every year, and although I've experienced autumn in Virginia, the Ozarks of Missouri has some of the best autumn colors I've ever seen. Autumn also makes me think of my Mom's canned applesauce, which is one of my life's true pleasures.

5. Missouri Wine. Although technically not attached to St. Louis, I happen to enjoy Missouri wine a great deal. It's grown with different grapes, and in places where our German ancestors settled when they came across the ocean to America. Missouri wine tastes unique, and it's grown in a place where people wouldn't expect wine to be made; so it makes us the underdogs. They even give Missouri wine different names, like Chambourcin, Norton, and Schoolhouse Friendship Wine. Although these names aren't exclusively given to Missouri wine, they certainly aren't the typical Merlots, or Chardonnays that we are used to hearing about. I just appreciate that we do something a little different than the rest of the world, and the country.

Scott Weiland's Teeth

2008-07-08T07:49:00.000-07:00

So apparently, I am not the only one who noticed that Scott Weiland is sporting fake teeth nowadays. I use a service called Statcounter to see how many hits I get on my blogs, and from where my readers come. So far, I have gotten 4 hits from people googling "Scott Weiland's teeth."

I am curious to know if I will get any hits after I mention "Scott Weiland's Butt Crack" since Jessica and I saw a lot of that at the concert too. (Sorry, no pictures.)

A-Z

2008-07-08T05:13:00.000-07:00

Since everyone else is doing it:

A - Attached or single: Attached to the beautiful Jessica
B - Best Friend: Jesus
C - Cake or Pie: I do like cake, especially the German Chocolate kind that Jess makes for me. with the KitchenAid
D - Day of the Week: I love Saturdays.
E - Essential Item: Sunglasses--I hate squinting.
F - Favorite Color: Red for certain.
G - Gummy Bears or Worms: Geez, I haven't had either in years.. ummm... Worms.
H - Home town: St. Louis, MO (although, my Mom says my hometown is Roanoke, VA, where I spent the first 4 years of life.)
I - Indulgences: Crumb-Cake Hostess Donuts, Hostess Cup Cakes, Diet Coke, Mexican Coke
J - January or July?: July--it's a slow month for me, and I can actually relax and take a vacation
K - Kids: I want them someday, but not at the moment. Not more than 2
L - Life is incomplete without: God, family and friends.
M - Marriage Date: Someday in the future
N - Number of Siblings: 1 brother--the lawyer.
O - Oranges or Apples: I loved a sliced Gala Apple.
P - Phobias or Fears: fear of dying on a plane, fear of losing friends, fear of disappointing someone.
Q - Quotes: "For what I lack in singing ability, I make up with earnestness." - E. Vedder.
R - Reason to Smile: Jesus loves me. Seriously folks, otherwise I don't wanna be here.
S - Season: Autumn in Missouri or Virginia.
T - Transport: BMW Z3(fun car), Ford Probe GT(tinker car) and Chrysler 300 (work car)
T - Tag Three: Mrs. Juicebox, Modern Day Monsters, Life is a Garden, Dig it!
U - Unknown fact about me: I am a darn good cross-stitcher.
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animal: Love that BBQ. It's amazing.
W - Worst Habit: not following through on a promise. I hate when I forget.
X - Rays or Ultrasounds: I've never had an ultrasound, so I guess I'll have to take X-Ray.
Y - Your favorite food: Steak n Shake
Z - Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

Success!!

2008-06-19T08:23:00.000-07:00

Ha! I have conquered my fat. I've already lost 9 pounds! I was thrilled this morning when I got up and saw that I weighed 226 this morning. I can't tell you how happy I am, and how much confidence this gives me. Woo!! God is good.

Why I like BMW.

2008-06-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

Although I've been conplaining about my car, I do love the BMW brand. This video made me like them just a little more:

Forward thinking. I love it.

Assorted nonsense.

2008-06-10T09:25:00.000-07:00

I am overweight and my BMW is chronically broken.

What the heck else could go wrong?

Let's talk about the first problem here.

I am overweight. I've allowed myself to gain about 35 pounds since returning to St. Louis, and I know exactly how I did it too. Although I shouldn't really be making excuses for myself because clearly, this is my fault. But, in my own defense, I have to say that this job keeps me in the car or at my desk almost all the time. And because my job is to see as many people per day as possible, I spend considerable hours in the car driving all over the place. Sometimes 10 hours per day. To put this perspective for you, I've had my new car now 2 months and one week, and I have already logged 9800 miles. Although that does include some personal miles, I would say about 90% of those miles are driven for work-related purposes.

So, my challenge has been trying to maintain this crazy schedule AND eat correctly. It's almost impossible without some pretty amazing planning, which I am terrible at. Plus, I make no time to try and hit the gym ever. I joined a workout class at the Y some months ago, but I just wasn't seeing any results from it, so I quit going. I wish I could get into a program that was fun and didn't feel like I was working out. Like playing soccer or something fun. I hate just running on the treadmill or doing jumping jacks. It bores me out of my skull.

So I joined Weight Watchers. At first I was concerned that I would feel slightly emasculated for joining a "diet plan," but in reality it's simply a system to help you watch what you eat. It's very flexible, and I can pretty much eat what I want, but just in smaller portions. Luckily, there are some pretty easy to use web tools that help me track what I am eating and be geeky about it at the same time. It helps me retain some manliness. I've been on the plan one day, and despite eating a righteous piece of bacon cheeseburger pizza yesterday for lunch with Jessica, I actually lost one pound on my very first day on the plan. Not bad.

Secondly, the BMW is being a piece of shit right now. I don't even like driving anymore. The performance shocks and springs I installed last year to help improve the handling of the car have only made it unpleasant to drive. The handling is actually worse than before, and it's no longer a comfortable ride. In addition, the car now makes some sort of weird vibration, thudding, wobbling sound when I take off in first or when I hit the gas in second. It's really making me frustrated, and despite spending many hours and hundreds of dollars on pieces for the driveshaft and the rear differential, the situation has not improved AT ALL. Plus I am still healing from a burn I received from stupidly touching the catalytic converter with my forearm:

I've gotten myself up to my ears in car projects, and it's draining my patience and my wallet. I really just wanted to drive the BMW around this spring/summer and enjoy the nice weather, but it has been a pain in my neck for the last 4 months, and have enjoyed nothing about it for some time. I have a couple of things I am going to try to fix the wobbling problem, but I may have to bite the bullet and actually take it to a professional mechanic. What a hit to my ego.

Other than that, Jessica and I are looking forward to spending time in Austin in 2 weeks when we go down and help our friends the Otisi move into their new home. They have been diligently working on getting it ready for inhabitation, and I've enjoyed following their progress from their blogs and their Flickr pictures. I miss talking cars with my buddy Matt, so this will be therapeutic for me.

Scott Weiland is Skeletor

2008-06-08T22:42:00.000-07:00

Remember Skeletor from He-Man?

I think Scott Weiland has turned into Skeletor.

Jessica and I went to see Stone Temple Pilots tonight at Riverport here in St. Louis. I was a little tenative about the show because all of the bad things I had been hearing about Scott Weiland's health and off-stage behavior. Jessica and I love STP, and are big fans of their music. Neither one of us had ever seen STP in concert and were really looking forward to tonight's show. We were not disappointed. Despite Scott's obvious drug use, trouble with the law, stringy, unkept hair, fake teeth (yes, a full mouth of fake teeth) and emaciated appearance, the guy can still carry a tune. And, even though it's been 8 years since STP has been in St. Louis, Scott performed his Mick Jagger-esqe dance routine on stage for us this evening.

Jessica and I agreed that Scott is a very talented guy, and it's a damn shame that the guy can't seem to shake the drug and alcohol abuse. Despite that, the concert was really great, and it was a nice evening for two people who appreciate STP and whom had also never seen them in concert. I hope it's not the last time we see them perform. I seriously prayed for him tonight. I hope that Scott can clean himself up and continue to perform in the future.

Just in case you don't read my other blog...

2008-06-08T22:38:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of this movie:

New T-Shirt

2008-06-04T14:30:00.000-07:00

I thought you might like to know (and find hilarious) that I bought a t-shirt with this on it:

The problem is, that I don't get it. I mean, I know what a drive shaft on a car is(and the automotive drive shaft reference on a shirt was enough for me to buy it), but is there some other reference that I am not aware of? Help me out here friends. I need your input.

Causal Disregard

2008-06-02T13:10:00.000-07:00

I'm guilty of it, and so are you.

Casual Disregard.

We all do it, and it's part of the reason we're in trouble with gasoline and mortgages right now.

For too long, we've casually disregarded the environment, the economy and our own well-being in the name of convenience, status, or comfort. I too, am guilty of this; throwing away perfectly good things that could have been reused or donated, driven un-economically for the sake of fun; not recycling something because it was too inconvenient. I'm very guilty, but I want to change. It's a hard habit to break though, I'll admit.

Part of our problem in this country is that we causally disregard things that are communally important, but not individually important. For example, recycling benefits everyone, but may be an inconvenience for an individual. It unclutters our landfills, helps the environment, and reduces our reliance on foreign oil. Recently, I got a recycling bin from the City of University City. It's just a little extra trash can that I can put my recycling in. Once a week, they come by and empty it and take it to the recycler. Easy easy. What has surprised me is how full I get that recycling bin every week. Plastic, glass, aluminum, paper, etc. I fill it up every week. What boggles my mind it how much stuff I was throwing away that I could have recycled before I got the special can. Then I think about that multiplied times the hundreds of thousands of people in St. Louis. That is a lot of stuff that could have been recycled. It makes me wonder how much oil we could save by recycling plastic, and not relying on foreign resources for all the plastic things we consume in a day. You could argue that by recycling, we are all helping each other out.

But yet, I feel like many of us make decisions with little or no regard for how it might effect others. If you buy that massive SUV for yourself, then you are consuming 2 Honda's worth of gas, and making it that much more expensive for someone else. Instead of being part of the solution, you are contributing to the problem.

I guess my challenge with all this is, how can someone feel good about their decision, when they know that they are clearly contributing to the crisis?

I recently went and sat in a lecture with Jessica about global poverty. One of the things that the speaker mentioned was that global poverty could be eradicated if everyone in the world would donated 6/10 of 1 cent per dollar they earned. So, if everyone in the world contributed less than one percent of their income to global poverty, we could eliminate it. It just kills me that in this country we are driving around $70,000+ cars and have been unable to help out those who can't even get clean drinking water.

My friend Jim turned me on to Blood: Water Mission this week as we were talking about this. For about $10,000, you can install a fresh water well for an African town so that the people of that town can have clean, safe water for the foreseeable future. I think it sounds like a great use of money. I wonder what would happen if people moved into more modest housing, drove more modest (and fuel efficient) cars, and gave more money to charities like Blood: Water Mission, what our world would look like.

Would people be just as happy without their huge expensive cars and houses? Would it be more fulfilling to help those who couldn't get clean water?

FAILURE

2008-05-22T21:56:00.001-07:00

I've had a stellar car repair record. In over thirteen years, I've not had to rely on a a mechanic to bail me out of a I-screwed-it-up-now-please-help-me-fix-it situation.

Tonight, my record came to a screeching halt.

While repairing a minor driveshaft wobble, I seemed to have created another problem. Now my BMW makes a scratching/rubbing noise whenever the car is moving. Normally, I would just dive right back into the problem and try to fix it myself, but this job was too much work, too much laying on my back with little room to work underneath the car, and too much time spent waiting for parts. I was done with this repair.

So, I had the car towed to the local independent BMW mechanic whom I've not given a dollar in 13 years. He still knows me; we had lunch a few months ago. He's a great guy and very successful, I have no doubt that he will get me fixed up tomorrow, or at the latest next week.

This was a tough job, and I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I've done some pretty incredible things over the last 13 years, like build a turbo engine from scratch, or completely rebuild the suspension on a Ford. But this is the thing that i am supposed to be able to do well. To drown my sorrows and disappointment this evening, I had a Cookies and Cream milk shake from Steak 'n Shake.

It helped.

Here's the damn thing I was trying to fix:

I would like to be making a difference

2008-05-21T21:44:00.000-07:00

I'm 30.

Just turned 30 in January.

Jessica and my friends threw me an awesome surprise party in Austin, and it was spectacular.

I've spoken to a lot of people about what their experience was when they turned 30. Their opinions of 30 have varied widely. Some say that it was a difficult transition for them, others felt it was no different that turning say, 28 or 26. I would probably agree with the folks who said it was no different than turning 28 or 29. I didn't really feel older. I still drive like a maniac, listen to my music really loud, enjoy a beer-laden social event, and still sing at the top of my lungs. I'm hopeful that these things will never fade.

One thing that has definitely changed in my mind however, is my desire to accomplish those things that "I've always wanted to do," and to devote my life to making a difference in the lives of others. At thirty, I've decided is the perfect time to start acting on the things you want to accomplish in your life. I figure that I have very few years before I get married, have children, buy a house, and really, "settle down." I have started to desire a home-life, a place I can call home, and less travel and more time with friends and family; maybe even start a family of my own.

My biggest fear is laying on my death bed and looking back at my life and saying, "I wish I had..." I want to have no regrets when I leave this world and (hopefully) go to heaven. But what can I do now? How can I make a difference in the lives of other people? How can I leave this world better than I inherited it? These are the questions that plague my thoughts, and occupy me while I spend endless hours in the car, driving across the State of Missouri.

It has become very clear to me that no matter how hard I work, or how much I sell, or how much money I have, only the work of Christ in my life will truly satisfy me. My struggle is being completely open to Him and listening for what He wants me to do. I get caught up in the "things" of life. Desires for automobiles or material possessions. God has certainly blessed me, but I feel like I am not doing enough for Him and the other people on this Earth. This job I have takes up so much of my time; I barely have enough left over to spend with friends and family, my personal interests, and lastly--time for others whom I can help.

I also struggle with my intense desire to return to Austin. I cannot stop thinking about moving back there someday. I was so very happy in Austin, and I would love to be able to pursue my dream of owning my own business there, and using part of the proceeds of my business to help out others in need. I have a great desire to do that; I guess I just need to feel like that is the right decision for me. I have work yet to do here in Missouri; I need to see that to completion an then start thinking about what my next step is in life. But one thing is for certain, working in this job is not the end of the story for me. There is something far greater out there that I am supposed to do, and I pray that God will reveal that to me.

Somewhere in Missouri

2008-05-13T11:53:00.000-07:00

On Monday, I was in a part of Missouri that didn't have paved roads or cell phone service.

When I talked to the technology director at the school, he told me that only 20 people in town had high speed internet.

Am I in the twilight zone??

To there credit, it was in actually in a very beautiful part of the state known as the Ozark region. In addition, I drove through the Mark Twain National Forest, which is also gorgeous, and fun to drive. Too bad I didn't have my little convertible; it would have been more exciting to drive it on some of these roads.

My Prayer for Scott Weiland

2008-05-02T11:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Lord:

Thank you so much for the brilliant music of the Stone Temple Pilots. Without there music, I would never have been motivated to sing "Plush" for the Apple talent show, and subsequently embarrassed in front of all my friends and every employee at Apple by a begrudged laid off Apple contract Worker.

But Lord, it is of this why I am praying to you today. I am praying for Scott Weiland, the somewhat misguided lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots. Lord, you blessed them with inspiration for great songs like, "Sex Type Thing," "Plush," "Interstate Love Song," and other deep, meaningful tunes that helped me survive that terrible thing Satan must have invented: Junior High. I am praying for Scott Weiland because you've blessed mw with the ability to purchase two concert tickets to their upcoming show in St. Louis, MO. Lord, Scott has not been your most faithful follower. On the contrary, he's confided in terrible vises like Heroin, Alcohol and Velvet Revolver rather than turning to you Lord. It's these vises that have kept me and thousands of other fans from enjoying their timeless classics like "Crackerman," and "Army Ants." So please Lord, I am begging you, please keep Scott of the drugs, away from the alcohol and far from Velvet Revolver, so that Jessica and I may have a wonderful evening enjoying their music.

Amen.

Did you know?

2008-04-08T11:01:00.001-07:00

This video blew me away. Very very compelling information about where our country is heading in relation to the world:

You can't make this stuff up.

2008-04-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

So, as you can tell, I like posting pictures a little more than I do writing. Here are a few from recent encounters I thought you might find interesting. The first is a picture of an encounter I had with a Blue Man:

And this is a guy that had an obvious lack of man skills for attaching things to a car:

My GPS told me to drive into the water

2008-04-01T12:48:00.001-07:00

Check out this picture. It's clearly telling me to drive INTO THE WATER. (Click on it to see it a little bigger.)

Actually, I was waiting for a ferry to come pick me up and float me across the Missouri River back into Missouri from Illinois. There is a little piece of land (called a confluence) between the Missouri and the Mississippi River in Illinois that is accessible by ferry. It's kinda fun floating across a river.

Lone Star Steakhouse not actually like Texas.

2008-03-10T19:30:00.001-07:00

Not only did they not have the national beer of Texas, Lone Star, but no Shiner, or Dos Equis. I had to reduce myself to Bud Light. Dammit.

Ahhh St. Louis...

2008-03-10T09:53:00.001-07:00

I witnessed my first hit and run yesterday in the city of St. Louis. 2 cars chasing each other through a neighborhood ran into a parked car and then sped away. The victim will likely not receive any compensation for the damages since the cars that were chasing each other had no license plates.

Ugh.

It's kinda like this...

2008-03-03T14:22:00.001-08:00

Another 311 Encounter

2008-03-03T09:09:00.001-08:00

Saturday night, Jessica and I traveled to Springfield, MO to catch the 311 show. I got a hookup from a friend of a coworker for Jessica and I to meet one of the Band members, Tim Mahoney. He was an exceptionally nice guy, and happily signed the CD we brought and posed for a picture with us. Despite having to wait for like 2 hours to spend about 3 minutes with him, it was well worth the wait. Tim was a total class act and was very nice to us. Here's the picture:

It's off to work I go

2008-02-26T06:10:00.001-08:00

It's 6:30AM

2008-02-19T04:43:00.001-08:00

It's 6:30AM and I am lying here in bed awake in Kansas City-actually, "Lee's Summit" to be exact. It's a suburb of Kansas City. I am lying here thinking about a lot of things including the little movie theater in St. Louis that I wanted to lease and turn into an Alamo Drafthouse; the Probe that is sitting in my Dad's Garage; my job; my plan to get back to Texas.

I got an email from a co-worker last night at 2:27AM. 2:27! Who the hell stays up this late? I can't function these days unless I get to bed at 10PM. It's so freaking lame, but I literally can't get through the day unless I get 8 hours of sleep anymore. I feel a lot better when I do get that sleep though, so I guess it's not a bad thing. I guess the reason that I am mentioning this is that don't have the enthusiasm anymore to be up that late working. I don't even want to work past 5PM anymore. If I did, I wouldn't feel like I had a life, and somehow this makes me feel like a bad employee. Anything less than total 100% life commitment isn't good enough.

The other thing that is driving me crazy is that I have to be out of town so much. This month alone, I have to travel to Chicago, Omaha, Cupertino, Indianapolis and Kansas City. With the exception of Cupertino, I have 0% interest in being in any one of these places. I just want to sleep in my own bed for more than 1 night in a row.

I hate to be a downer on my blog, but I feel like I've got to air this stuff out. I feel better already.

Not enough time

2008-02-17T20:20:00.001-08:00

I got a million ideas for this blog post in my head. But I got no time to type it all out to you. I've got emails to write, reports to send and sleep to get. And it's 10:18AM at night.
The Honeymoon is waning, and I am looking for a change. I want something different. I am 30 years old, and am ready to do something spectacular, and meaningful. Now I just need God to tell me what that is.

Do guys have internal clocks too?

2008-01-30T07:25:00.001-08:00

Don't get me wrong, I still like fixing cars, doing manual labor, drinking beer and eating meat, but recently, the idea of a little voice calling me "Daddy." seems rather appealing. I mean, I am 30, so I imagine that day is coming soon...

Hilarious

2008-01-26T04:58:00.001-08:00

Wii

2008-01-25T18:59:00.001-08:00

I found a Wii in New Jersey!! At a Toys R Us no less. It is absolutely amazing, and I love it. I don't think I could be a bigger geek about it.

I am a little shocked that I found it so easily here in NJ, yet had such a hard time getting it in St. Louis.

I brought it home to my mother's place, and wasted no time hooking it up to her new TV. I've been having a blast all night swinging and bowling and shooting cans.

I am even more excited to get it home and playing together with Jessica. She's an avid fan of Nintendo already, so I know it will be fun to play with her. She's already gotten addicted to the DS I bought her for Christmas. Oh what geeks we are.

New York City?

2008-01-24T22:07:00.001-08:00

Yeah, I saw Jersey Boys tonight, and I gotta tell ya, it was pretty good. I recommend it highly if you ever get a chance to see it in New York on on tour somewhere. I am pretty lucky to be able to come to New York so often and see all these shows on broadway.

A friend of mine is writing a book about her dating experiences throughout her 29 and 1/2 years on this planet. She wrote me an email today and told me this little fact, and I was thrilled for her to say the least. Before her, I didn't know anyone personally who had written a book. In her email, she said that this book was going to recount her entire dating life, as far as she could remember. It was at this moment, that I realized, that her book would most likely include something about me, since we at one time, dated. Although I really didn't think I had anything to worry about, I did confirm with her that I was in fact in the book, and that it was in the "good" chapter.

Whew.

By the way, being in New York makes me love Texas even more. I used to find the fast paced, in your face, brazen New York lifestyle rather attractive. Strangely, I used to think that New York people weren't as rude as they had been made out to be. Then I moved to Texas. Oh, how things have changed. I've been seduced by the laid back, beer drinking, BBQ-eating, friendly lifestyle that Texas affords you.

I was talking with my Mom tonight, and recounting a bumper sticker I saw in Texas. It said, " I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as soon as I could."

How true. I miss my Lone Star State.

New Jersey

2008-01-23T16:46:00.001-08:00

So I am getting on a plane to New Jersey tomorrow to visit my mother. I am looking forward to spending some time with her while I am there and getting away from St. Louis for just a little bit. I am also hoping that I can find a Wii at the Nintendo store in Times Square. I've had very little luck finding one here in the good-ol' Midwest. I will also be hooking up my Mom's TiVo and activating her iPhone during my trip. My Mom, who hated gadgets when I was growing up, now has as good, if not better gadgets than her employed-by-a-technology-company son.

The stock market is in some serious turmoil. I won't go into to too much detail, but I will share that the last couple of days have been painful to watch, especially for a certain Nasdaq stock of which I own. I know that it will go back up in the future, it's just hard to watch it go up and down.

I've been playing a lot of Nintendo DS lately, I've found it to be a nice diversion, and an beautifully simple platform. I am not a fan of the 15 button controllers since I am particularly fond of point-and-shoot games like Doom, or Quake. I also like the Mario games quite a bit, since most of them only require you to jump around and throw flaming fire balls at winged turtles or 2-legged mushrooms. I don't like to think a lot when I am playing these games, I just like to get a little lost in them.

Frustrated

2008-01-22T16:17:00.001-08:00

"Well, I don't think I want to learn another operating system."

"All the companies around here (small rural Missouri town) are using Microsoft."

"Well, they have Movie Maker at home, so that is what I want to teach them."

"I'm only interested in it if it can run Windows."

Um, are you kidding me? Conversations like this infuriate me, and have almost my entire life. I can't even stand talking to these people when they can't even see past their small little fiefdom. I mean come on! Do you just want your kids to ONLY be able to work right around your small little town in Missouri? Do you think that all these kids are destined for is this small rural community and nothing else? Don't you want to give them the opportunity to succeed ANYWHERE? It kills me to even talk to close-minded, think-inside-the-box people. Let's just keep doing what we're doing and make sure these kids are ready for their crappy mindless jobs, because that's all they are going to amount to. Are you teaching your kids to think, or press buttons like a monkey?

I've got a headache from beating my head against the wall.

Marginal Progress

2008-01-21T06:21:00.001-08:00

Today was the start of the 3rd week of my workout "Boot Camp" class that I've been attending at the Y. I'm starting to feel some marginal improvement in my athletic abilities. For example, part of the daily workout is a 15 minute jog around the indoor track, followed by running down a flight of stairs, doing squats across the gym floor, running up a flight of stairs, running a half lab, and then repeating that sequence 4 more times. It's brutal to a computer geek who sits in a chair all day and enjoys his mexican food and his beer. But I am not satisfied to just be a lazy bum. I want to feel good and alert during the day.

I also noticed yesterday that playing with my Godson Elliott was a little easier than normal. Since he is almost 2, the kiddo has tons of energy to spare. Yesterday, he and I were playing catch, and by catch I mean he would throw the ball in some random direction, and then I would chase it and throw it back to him. It's not a terrible taxing activity, but I just felt like I had more energy for it yesterday. Which made me feel good. I like to be able to play with him.

So all in all this exercising is working out well for me. I've also started using that software called "Brain-Age" on my Nintendo DS. Which is a horribly addictive game that exercises your brain. I can definitely feel it working. I also learned how to do Sudoku, which is also horribly addicting. I definitely felt a little sharper, having gone through some of the exercises.

Today is going to be a light day at work. The MLK holiday has a lot of schools out, so I'll be focusing more on getting some office work done. Tomorrow I travel to Sikeston and Portageville, MO for customer visits.

iPhone 1.1.3 and WiFi Connectivity

2008-01-18T15:09:00.001-08:00

It appears as though I am not the only one having trouble with my iPhone connecting to my home AirPort Extreme Base Station after updating to Firmware version 1.1.3. After reading other people's blogs and some online forums, it looks like that telling your iPhone to "forget" a particular network and then giving it a hard reset fixes the problem. My issue came up when my iPhone kept asking for the WPA password for my Airport Extreme Base Station when it should have remembered it. All is well now, as I have resolved the issue with just a few minor adjustments.

Sleep Doctor

2008-01-18T11:02:00.001-08:00

So I've been honking more during my sleep than a pissed New York cab driver during a gay pride parade. I think it's been affecting my sleep because I seem to be getting tired more and more during the day. Now, I was a lot worse a couple of weeks ago, but has since improved.

I went to the sleep doctor today and they are going to hook up a bunch of wires to my head and put a microphone on my chin to register the volume of my snoring. The thought that was going through my head during this trip to the doctor was, "How the hell do you fall asleep if you have all this shit attached to your head?"

I am eager to get to the bottom of this problem. I am not one who enjoys being tired during the day and cranky all the time. I am not much fun to be around when I am pissed, for sure.

Nirvana

2007-11-14T17:28:00.001-08:00

Far be it from me to talk about 90's music. But I wanted to particularly mention that you know something ain't right when Nirvana sounds REALLY good.

This week I am in California at a sales conference for my company. It's very exciting and fun, and by that I mean it sucks.

All I can think about is going home and working on the car I just bought. I am very excited. I did get some good news today though. It sounds like there is going to be additional training in Austin for my sales team, which means... FREE TRIP TO AUSTIN.

Hell yeah. Praise Jesus, our most excellent Lord and Savior.

Great weekend

2007-11-04T05:32:00.000-08:00

It's easy to come to Austin and remember what I am missing in St. Louis. As I was reminded by many people here in Austin this weekend, I have almost been gone a year, and it's a year that has gone by quickly. I don't really feel like I have been gone that long from Austin. Marvels of modern technology make it easy to keep in touch with friends and I go to Austin about once every other month. 2 months is about all I can stand being away from here. I feel more tuned into God here. I am not really sure what it is, but something about being here makes me want to know God more. Maybe it's my friends, or maybe it's just because the life I had here was almost always focused on God, and my life in St. Louis was, well... focused on other things.

I guess I'l never really feel settled somewhere until God decides it's time for me to have a family. I'll out down roots when that happens, but until then, I'm probably going to not feel like I belong anywhere. I feel like I fit in well in Austin, but I also feel like I have an obligation to my family in St. Louis.

I've tried very hard to divorce myself from my "old life," that is, the life I had without Christ. That life was filled with a lot of not good stuff. My life with Christ is exceptionally better, and somedays I just want to forget my old self and only think about my new self--basically from the time I was baptized forward.

I love Austin. I'll never feel like I don't want to be here.

Call me crazy...

2007-10-29T22:44:00.001-07:00

but I am looking for this car...

Specifically, the exact car my father drove from 1992-1995, which looks very similar to the picture above.

Is it wrong or strange to try an recapture some of that excitement you had as a teenager? I remember being so infatuated with my father's 1993 Ford Probe GT. In fact, I vividly remember having a very spiritual moment in that car with my Dad while we had it out for a test drive. We both looked at each other and said, "Dang!" after flying around an entrance ramp at about 70 miles per hour. It was a sleek, fast, slick looking car, that turned heads everywhere we went. I remember driving up to the car lot late one night with my Dad so we could check the car out the moment it was released. I remember being totally impressed with the design of the steering wheel, and how nice the front of the car looked. It looked like a car that was 5 times it's price.

Even the exhaust note of this car was pleasant to the ears. A very subtle, but ever so-slightly aggressive tone to the exhaust let others know that this car was no slouch. It was fast.

And it felt fast too. Around corners and from the stop light. I am sure that my father won't be surprised if I told him today that I used to cruise around looking for people to challenge at the stoplight with this car. By today's standards, it's 2.5L V6 put out a humble 164 horsepower, but back then, it was a rocket. I even remember the tire size: 205/50 - 16, a large wheel back then.

It was also the first car that I drove as a hormonal 16-year old. I was dying to drive. It was with this car that I learned how much I enjoyed the freedom that driving gives you. I'm sure I even went on my very first date in this car, and my first homecoming with my good friend Leah in this car. Although my favorite car will always be the little BMW that could, this car introduced me to what is now my very favorite pastime--futzing with everything automotive.

So here's the almost-30-year-old man's fantasy of recapturing some of his 16 year old-gotta-drive-like-an-idiot-so-my-friends-can-see-how-cool-I-am fantasy.

Track down the old car (if it's still on the road), work on it with my Dad to restore it to it's original condition, and share it with him to drive around for fun.

I think my Dad always wanted to keep that car, but regrettably had to part ways with it to prepare for the inevitable truth of two sub-18 year olds on his car insurance. The Probe was unfortunately replaced in 1995 with a Ford Contour LX. And although it was a nice car in it's own way, it didn't have the wow factor and that boyhood testosterone generating fantasticalness that the Probe offered.

So my quest is already well underway, and I've been working on finding the exact car for the last week or so. So far, I've been unable to find the current owner of the car, but I am hopeful that something will turn up soon, so I can be reunited with the car that introduced me to the wonderful world of automobiles.

Tidy Tim doesn't exsist.

2007-08-02T22:07:00.000-07:00

I think I've been trying too hard to keep my life nice and tidy. Good job, nice clothes, good disposition, never disagree with anyone, always placate. Basically, I've attempted to keep the boat from rocking, and keep everyone in my life as happy as possible without risking any sort of confrontation, or disagreement. Also, I've tried to avoid any situations where I might mess things up for myself, or take a risk that might end up hurting me in the long wrong if things fail. I don't think I can sustain it, and I can't just keep my life all neat and orderly all the time. Pardon me for saying so, but shit gets fucked up. Can't avoid it.

I had dinner with a friend tonight who is basically going through the same thing I am right now. I am not going to go through and talk about everything that we discussed tonight, but the basic thing I took away from our 3 hour conversation tonight was: When the path gets rocky, you have to keep climbing. I can't stand still, I have to keep looking forward and not give up. I have to keep pushing myself along no matter how much it sucks, hurts, etc. I can't let myself roll down the hill. I have to keep moving forward.

I think I have been doing an alright job at that. I haven't been perfect, and my life has gotten a little messy. The number one I've compelled myself to do is keep moving forward and keep myself busy. It's actually been a good thing. I've been spending more time with friends, and I will be in Austin again this weekend. I'm keeping myself busy every night and staying out of my apartment. Being in this apartment alone for an extended period of time depresses me. It only exacerbates the issue that I am alone. Well, I am not totally alone, but I am alone in this apartment--no one is just going to magically appear on my couch and want to watch 300 with me. (What a great movie!)

I've gotta keep plowing ahead, keep my bow in the wind, and my wheels pointed forward. I pray to God that I can continue doing that. Please God--help me stay focused on you.

stray dog

2007-07-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

During my trip home from Kirksville, MO this morning (home of Truman State, my alma mater) I came across a stray dog running through the streets in Macon, MO. The little brown boxer mix was gleefully and carelessly running in and out of traffic for no apparent reason. I was horrified that the dog might get hit by a passing truck and be severely hurt or worse, killed. On occasion, my father's dog Tucker, (whom I am totally attached to) has gotten loose and run around the neighborhood. The thought of Tucker getting lost or getting hurt in the road terrifies me, so when I saw this dog running through the streets, I could only imagine the poor kid whose dog wouldn't ever come home again.

I pulled into the center turn lane and stopped the car, and put on my flashers. Luckily, I'd kept Tucker's leash in my car from when I took her to the boarding house, so I grabbed it from the trunk and ran after the stray. I snagged him by the collar and got the leash on him right away. I had an immediate feeling of relief.

I began looking around for the owner of this dog. I certainly thought that someone would be out looking for this crazy animal. He was jumping all over me, licking me and just generally being friendly. He certainly didn't bark very much, and seemed to have a very positive disposition. I've met some dogs that are tough to be around, and wouldn't have blamed their owners for finding them new homes, but this dog seemed a lot fo fun to be around. I thought for sure someone would be frantically looking for him.

No such luck.

I walked around with the dog a little, and asked people that were outside if they recognized it. I asked a young teenager driving a Geo Metro if he knew to whom this dog belonged. "I don't know" he said. I asked the people running the fruit stand too. They were no help.

As soon as I decided that I was going to call the police, a man and his two children came racing around the corner in a beat up old Ford Winstar, driving like they were two weeks late for Saturday night bingo. As he approached, he pulled up right next to me and his two children came flying out of the car and immediately grabbed the dog and hugged it. You could tell they were relieved that someone had found their dog. It was exactly what I thought. The man politely thanked me, and I explained to him that if this had been my dog, that I would have wanted someone to do this for me. He nodded and extended his hand to me. It was a good handshake--firm and with eye contact; the kind of handshake men give each other.

I walked across the street and got into my car. As I started the motor, I looked to my left to see the man pulling away, with his hand extended out the window waving at me, and yelled, "Thanks!"

And that is why I was late to my friend Theresa's wedding.

fourthmeal

2007-07-27T23:52:00.000-07:00

why does taco bell taste so good after drinking too much in Kirksville, MO (where I went to college)?

if I see you...

2007-07-13T10:33:00.001-07:00

If I do not know you, and see you in a restaurant or coffee shop and you are using something OTHER THAN a Mac, please be prepared to receive the following glare from me:

The Fog

2007-06-20T21:44:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

Thanks so much for the awesome things you done for me. I have a great job, awesome friends, a nice place to live, nice clothes, food to eat and hobbies to make me feel good. You provide for my every need and you let me have a lot of things i WANT, but don't really need. I am truly fortunate, you've given me a lot, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

The purpose of my letter tonight is to ask for your help and guidance. I feel like I've lost you. Remember the old TV's in the 70's and 80's where you had to turn the little fine tuning knob to get the channel dialed in correctly? Well, I feel like I am on the right channel, but my fine tuning knob is all messed up. It's like seeing you in a fog and trying to follow you. I know that you are there, but I can't quite make you out and my path is obscured from the heavy mist. I would really appreciate it if you could clear the fog out for me so that I can follow you more closely. It sucks not being able to see you.

I feel like I've picked up some bad habits since leaving Austin, God. I've regressed in some ways, and progressed in others. I am much more professionally mature now. I am very serious about my job, and respect the responsibility that has been placed upon me. My social life has suffered greatly; I'm not in daily connection with other Christians. I need to be around others that want to know you. It makes it easier to see you.

There seems to be two paths in front of me; one leads to an astonishing career and the other leads to friends and family. Can't I have both? Why can't I have an awesome career and be able to spend time with all my pals and have a family? It seems like that isn't possible. Please Lord, give me some clarity here. I'm in the fog.

Insanity

2007-04-16T23:45:00.000-07:00

My day today:

7:15: Wake up
8:15: Drop off dry cleaning
8:20: Start driving to Edina, MO, 160 Miles away
12:00: Drop off computer at school
12:15: Drive to Roadhouse, IL for presentation
12:30: Call Austin to deal with booking problem
12:35: Call Marquette High School to correct ordering issue
12:45: Get a call from a friend in Austin, he tells me my first girlfriend got married
12:47: Freaked out that first girlfriend is married
1:15: Consume McDonald's #4 meal (without onions)
2:30: Arrive at school in Roodhouse
2:50 Deliver presentation to a room of teachers
5:00: Depart school, drive home to St. Louis
6:15: Learned of VT shooting
7:30: Meet up with Jessica, walked to dinner.
9:00 Depart for Columbia, MO
9:30:Talk to Mike for 1/2 hour
10:30: Book hotel room in Columbia via cell phone
11:00: Purchased 32oz Diet Coke and Twix Bar from QT. Total: $1.75
11:10 Checked into hotel

Total miles today: 501

New M3 commercial

2007-04-09T10:41:00.001-07:00

Leaving home, going to St. Louis.

2007-04-08T13:42:00.000-07:00

This is not easy. I spent the entire weekend questioning myself. Did I do the right thing? Is this job really that important? Why did I leave all of this? What does God have planned for me? Did God really want me to leave? What does he want me to do in St. Louis? How can I get back here?

Maybe I am just being impatient. I worry that my pals in Austin are going to leave, or worse, forget about me. Will I outgrow them, or get connected to St. Louis and not want to leave? I feel like I fit so much better in Austin. I feel like it's more me than St. Louis. I feel like this is home, and that I have family here. I like Texas better, I appreciate the fact that people want to be associated with this state. "I'm a Texan" or, "I'm from Texas" they'll say. Restaurants in Missouri and across the country advertise their food as "Texas-sized" or "Texas flavor." Movies glorify what happens or happened in this state. I get excited when I see someone in St. Louis driving around with a Texas license plate. I think, "Maybe I know them," or, "Maybe they are from Austin."

Right now, I feel like I'd rather be poor and happy here in Texas, than rich and pissed in St. Louis. I think part of the reason I like it here so much is that similarly minded people live here. People that are striving to improve their situation, making the most of their life, looking for ways to grow, etc. I don't want to settle for less than what I want.

I am scared. I am scared that somehow I will get trapped in St. Louis and won't be able to leave. I am scared that things wil change in Austin, and there won't be anything to come back to, and I'll either have to: A) start all over again, or B) miss my chance to stay plugged in with the awesomeness here.

Are you mad that I left? Please don't be. I miss you all everyday. I did it because it was time to make a move in my job, and it was good for my career. Maybe there is something in St. Louis for me to learn, or somehow the path to stay in Austin was in St. Louis. What is God thinking? What is his plan for me? If you want to pray for me, pray that God makes His will clear to me, and that His will is carried out.

It was nice of all of you to ask me when I was moving back this weekend. You have no idea how good it felt to hear that.

Today, I REALLY wish I was in Austin

2007-01-31T15:43:00.000-08:00

More typical behavior

2006-12-28T20:03:00.000-08:00

I bought the comprehensive Smashing Pumpkins music video DVD today, along with "Talladega Nights: The Legend of Ricky Bobby."

:)

being a man

2006-12-27T21:43:00.000-08:00

Being a man is hard. I'm not talking about the physical aspect of being a man, but the requirement that God puts on men to be stand up guys, providers, defenders, brave, strong, etc. I feel like manliness is eroding from our culture everyday. Do you know how many males I've met that require their girlfriends or wives to support them? Do you know how many males I've met who can't change a tire, or don't open the door for their mom, or their girlfriend or wife? How have we gotten away from this? I certainly respect the woman's place in our society, and I don't expect women to be submissive, or obedient, but I do expect men to stand up for what they believe in, and not be little wusses.

It just really pisses me off when I see men acting like boys, when they should be acting like men. Have some freaking pride in yourself, and quit asking your mommy to take care of you.

And women: don't fall for a guy who can't or won't stand up for you or take care of you. It's our responsibility to protect you, take care of you and provide for your safety. It's our calling. If a guy can't or won't do this for you, dump him. Immediately.

confused

2006-12-26T23:22:00.000-08:00

I saw a guy aggressively driving a Toyota Prius today...

I was quite confused.

I have a serious problem.

2006-12-25T18:34:00.000-08:00

I am checking out hotrod parts for my company car...

There is something seriously wrong with me.

some peace

2006-12-23T21:29:00.000-08:00

I spend a lot of time now on the road, running from one appointment to the next, eating on the run, and staying up late. My life is crazy. In the last year, I've lived in three different apartments, and went from living in 80 degree weather to 40 degree weather in one day. In the last 8 moths, I've had three different jobs (all in the same company of course.) I've lived in two different states, and have purchased or sold 5 different cars. I went from having 50 friends around me all the time, to having about 7. I've seen the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean in a month's time, and in the last 3 months, helped plan a high school reunion. I also gained a beautiful Godson 9 months ago whom I adore.

My main computer has changed 3 times in the last 3 months, and it might be a fourth here next week. I lost 17 pounds not 2 months ago, and i recently adopted a beard. 4 months ago, I learned how to two step. Thanks to Jeremy, in the last year, I've acquired a taste for Asian food, and now I eat it all the darn time. Last month, I fulfilled two childhood dreams: seeing Steve Jobs up close, and visiting the Cupertino Campus of Apple Computer. I'm also now doing the exact job I pictured myself doing when I was a kid. My life has accelerated dramatically in the last 6-8 months and who knows what's next?

So here I am, sitting in my mother's apartment in Chatham, NJ where nothing happens after 8PM. A normally busy street is about 20 yards away from where I sit, and at 11:15PM, it's nearly abandoned. My mom's golden retriever "Berit" is lying silently next to me, and the only light in the room is from the Christmas tree and my MacBook. Usually at this time of the night, I am winding down from a long, busy day of running around to appointments and/or hanging out with friends. Today, I walked along the Jersey shore with my Mom and the dog, and watched the waves crash up on the beach. Not too shabby.

I have no car here, and I have no where to go. I have no one to visit, and I have nothing to buy. I have no appointments and I have no emails to answer; no phone to answer. Just me, and the dog and the computer on the couch.

Just some peace on this Christmas weekend.

Amen.

P.S. I must publicly thank Matt who gave me some awesome advice this week. You are a good friend my man.

right now...

2006-12-19T21:50:00.000-08:00

I am listening to the Smashing Pumpkins.

In the dark.

Skeptical

2006-12-17T19:48:00.000-08:00

I'm skeptical that I this is going to be a good Christmas this year. I'm not feeling it. I'm not feeling it for a couple of reasons. I'll outline those here:

When I was sixteen and working my first Christmas in a mall, i witnessed something that I've grown to despise about this country: mass consumerism. Although I've profited personally almost every year from the mass hysteria that occurs in November and December, my love or this holiday has declined every year since that time. I hate shopping during Christmas. I hate fighting the crowds, I hate hearing people toil and tussle over things and gifts. I hate how Christmas seems to make everyone mad, and in a hurry to be somewhere, or get shopping done, or how it makes people fret for what to buy for someone so that the recipient could think, through some item that was purchased at a store, that they are appreciated, or loved.

Maybe it's my own situation that is making me feel all crappy about this, but i really feel like people have forgotten about the meaning of Christmas. My family will be scattered across the country this Christmas, and I will only see my mother this year on Christmas day. My childhood Christmas memories are good, Every year, I woke up in my parent's house on Christmas morning and we all opened our presents together, and listened to the Carpenters Christmas CD. The house would be warm and decorated all over. The Christmas lights would be up on the house and the family room would be full of presents. I think of it fondly, but it's not like that anymore, and I'm having trouble getting into the spirit of the holiday anymore. I was home tonight, and not one trace of Christmas in the house.

I think things will be different when I get my own family, but who knows when that will happen. I just want to feel the awesomeness of this holiday again.

...if I ever feel dumb

2006-12-14T01:45:00.000-08:00

I will watch this:

Saint Louis Highlights

2006-12-02T20:57:00.000-08:00

Anyone that is reading this blog knows of my love for Austin. I hardly even need mention it. Although I honestly believe that I will return to Austin someday, there are good things about Saint Louis I've noticed/remembered since I've returned. Here they are:

1. Steak n Shake. I'm not a fancy restaurant food kinda guy. I like a good burger, fries and a chocolate shake. Besides yellow night, Steak n Shake is my favorite meal. I've been back two weeks and I've already been there 4 times. I love it.

2. White Castle. Thin, greasy square piece of meat sautéed in a bed of onions topped with a slice of american cheese and squished in between two greasy buns. Pure delight.

3. Saint Louis Symphony. I could go into a lot of detail here, but my father and I went to the symphony tonight and I really forgot how much I enjoyed a good symphony performance. The Saint Louis Symphony is arguably one of the best in the country; fantastic concert hall, excellent musical selections, and exceptional performers. I'll probably go more now.

4. Bud Light. The Bud Light tastes damn good. Better than anywhere in the country.

5. Elliott. My Godson is here. He likes to stare at me and he also likes when I hold him. It's kinda like Dad training. I dig it.

6. The new apartment. It's freaking huge and only a little more money than my old place. It's got hardwood floors, radiators, a garage, 2 bedrooms, and two porches. I have a feeling that a kegger will occur here at some point. I'm two minutes away from my favorite part of Saint Louis, and I've already met some of my neighbors.

7. My Dad. My Dad is here, and it's nice to be around family again.

8. More than one BMW dealership. Since there are 3 dealerships here, they are all competing for business. The stuff for my oil change is $30 cheaper here than in Austin.

9. Christmas. Christmas here actually feels like Christmas. It's hard to get into the spirit of Christmas when it's 70 degrees out everyday.

10. Boulevard Beer. It's my favorite and I can get it here. Score.

That's all I can think about right now.

"...just like Job"

2006-11-29T21:25:00.000-08:00

"...just like Job" she said to me.

"Yes!!" I thought.

One again he wisdom of a Brown helped me tremendously. I'll start from the beginning.

It's 9:30PM in St. Louis. The temperature has dropped about 25-30 degrees from where it was this afternoon. Rain is moving in slowly and the old windows in my 60 year old duplex are rattling in their frames from the gusting wind. I had just returned from having dinner and seeing a horrible film called, "Borat" with an old, dear friend of mine from high school. Still fresh in my brain is the song, "So, You're Not From Texas (But Texas Wants You Anyway)" by Lyle Lovett. I've been here a week, and all I've been thinking about is how the hell I'm gonna get myself back to Texas; the promised land where I found Jesus, where my best friends are, where the weather isn't shit-tastic.

I know in my heart that I cannot allow myself to fail, I cannot allow myself to get depressed, and cannot allow myself to fall away from God. I know in my heart that God is right here next to me, helping me, propping me up and guiding me to yet another "promised land." I know that I have to have faith, and keep pushing forward, and just believe in my heart, that it's going to be good as long as I keep my eye on God.

But that doesn't make you feel better when your awesome pals are a thousand miles away, and you are wondering if you could just pack up your shit and move back and work the auto parts store. That thought crossed my mind tonight. "Maybe I should just say f- you to a career and live somewhere where I am happy." The minute I said that though, I knew that wasn't gonna fly either. I know myself well enough to know that career and social life have to be balanced; not relying too much on either, but always having both in good balance usually keeps me well balanced.

As I was explaining to the amazing Jessica tonight, I was firing on all cylinders right before I left Austin. Job and friends were at an all time awesome. That's probably why God decided to shake me down again, and keep me on the move; growing. Although not quite as dramatic as Job's experience, I feel like I can relate; lot's of awesomeness stripped away and new challenges now ahead. To quote a shitty 80's song, "Ain't no one gonna break my stride, ain't no one gonna slow me down, oh no, I got to keep on moving." That's exactly how I feel, and like Job, I must praise the Lord for all he's done and keep my head pointed into the wind.

I thank the Lord for Jeremy and Jessica, as I would not be where I am today without them.

the day of reckoning

2006-11-20T00:18:00.000-08:00

So here I am.

Empty apartment.

Overwhelming number of good friends.

Staring into familiar and yet unknown territory.

"It's going to be different this time." I've been telling myself these seven words over and over for the last week or so. It's definitely not going to be the same going back into St. Louis and I'm definitely a different person than when I left it. I'll acclimate quickly because I grew up there, and I have old friends from college and high school there. I know that I'll spend a lot of time with my Godson and my Dad. I'll also spend a lot of time working. There will be nothing like Merge or maybe not even a small group. I'll definitely continue to go to church, but that won't be the same either. I know everything will be alright, yet I'm left wondering what God has in store for me there. I'm not really worried about the job; I know I will be good at it. They've already filled my job here in Austin, so I can't tell them that I want my old job back. It's time to go.

Leaving has only drawn me closer to those that I love here. Some folks have really expressed their love for me this week, and I can easily say that it's a feeling that I share. The next 60-90 days are going to be tough; I'll be lonely and missing Austin. I'll miss small group on Mondays, my weekly man-meeting with Jeremy, Gelatos, Gateway, Jessica, Lindsay, Evans, Kelly, Matt, Andrea, Green, Amy, Andrew, Rachel, driving on 360, talking about Star Trek, watching Grey's with 15 other people, saying, "I am a Banana!" converting friends to the Mac, fighting about where to go to lunch after church, Byrd, Andrea's laugh, Brian's weekly conquest update, Merge, making beer with Andrew, Man night at my place, watching Green acquire phone numbers from chicks, listening to Rachel talk about processors, hearing Jeremy quote Mitch Hedberg, listening to Jessica talk about how much she hates law school, seeing Amy's "post-Rugby" trauma and accompanying smile, burning shit and getting drunk and every other freaking cool thing that Evans does, the drafthouse, Star Trek parties at my place, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I can't think about right now. (it's 2:30 AM)

I'm scared, because although I know God is calling me to do this, I just don't know how it could get any better than this. The last two years have been the best in my life. You are the best friends that I've ever had.

From the bottom of my heart I say this:

I love you all, and thank you for bringing me back to life.

"The word is given...warp speed."

2006-11-09T22:09:00.000-08:00

The quote is from arguably the best Star Trek movie ever: The Wrath of Khan.

The next step in my journey came on Wednesday at noon when I received word that I had been promoted to a Field Sales Position with my company. I will be relocating to St. Louis. It's bittersweet news; I'll be leaving the most amazing friends I've ever had, but returning for a new, welcomed challenge, to old friends, family and a Godson.

I'll be in California all week for a national sales meeting; I'll have some time to collect my thoughts to share with you.

seperated at birth?

2006-10-28T10:16:00.000-07:00

Let me honest here

2006-10-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

I'm a little lonely. It's true. I have a lot of great friends, I have a great job, I love my car, and things couldn't be better. I've lost a lot of weight, I (quite successfully) planned an awesome reunion, and my life couldn't be better right now. Somehow, I still feel a little empty, like something is missing.

Don't get me wrong, I feel God's presence more now than ever. In fact, I feel less lonely now (as a single guy) than ever. I don't feel alone. But I see couples together holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc and I get envious. I am envious of them because I want that for myself. But what the hell am I supposed to do? I can't go to the "girlfriend lot" and test drive a couple of attractive "models" I can't just decide that today is the day that I am going to meet "theone." God is in charge here, and it's SO hard for me to let Him be.

I mean, what do I have to do? DO I have to wear nicer clothes, or have different attitude or what? You have no idea how much I want to be all mushy and romantic with someone. And not just anyone. THE one. That is what I am holding out for. It's hard because I see nice looking and/or interesting gals all the time, but I just know right away that they are not "the one" and I pass them up. I really don't have the energy to chase after random chicks anymore.

I'm feeling ready to settle down honestly. Maybe not have kids right away, but definitely to find the right person. The one I've been waiting for.

Where the hell are you?

the zero hour

2006-10-13T16:26:00.000-07:00

45 minutes from now (6:15 on Friday the 13th) the Marquette High School football game will commence. Hopefully at that game, there will be a lot of people from my graduating class. In just a few minutes, I will actually see how well my efforts and the efforts of those that have been helping me have worked.

I enjoyed high school for the most part, but I don't ever really want to go back to those days. But for this weekend, I get to have just a little bit of high school fun once again.

I haven't been this excited about something in a long time. I can't wait.

It's almost here!

2006-10-12T22:19:00.000-07:00

Today was crazy!! Today was packed with all kinds of fun stuff, including seeing my Godson Elliott for about 2 hours today. He is absolutely adorable. I'm so lucky. I brought him a new toy that makes all kinds of car sounds, has a bunch of flashing lights, and will probably drive Mike and Emily absolutely insane.

I also spent the entire evening with "the girls" planning out the final details of the event on Saturday. It's going to be good, for sure, I feel really good about it. I honestly have this high-school-ish giddiness about this. I kinda feel 17 again, except with more confidence and less stupid.

My com-padre Sarah handed me 100 more photos to scan in for the reunion movie tomorrow. Holy scantron Batman, that is a lot of freaking pictures to scan THE DAY BEFORE THE EVENT. I'm pissed.

Not really.

We had a lot of fun tonight. I met up with Sarah for the first time since graduation. She was a sight to see. I absolutely adore her. Allison was there too, and she gave me a great big hug when I walked in the door. I was the first genuine honest hug I've gotten in a long time--the kind of hug that lasts awhile and really feels nice.

God is good. If you are reading this and aren't a Christian, you should be. God has blessed me tremendously.

Back to the Future

2006-10-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

So here I am.

In St. Louis.

There's something strangely romantic about this city. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's something about the cold weather. The chill in the air encourages you to cuddle up with someone on the couch with hot coffee under a blanket and watch movies. It also reminds me of my childhood; anticipating the coming cold season, looking forward to wearing winter clothes, sweaters, etc.

I stepped off the plane today into 45 degree weather. Austin was 90 when I left. What a difference 900 miles can make. It's like St. Louis was saying to me, "Hey, remember me??" My skin has most certainly thinned in Austin.

I think I'll have more time to reflect upon this, but I had some initial thoughts today after I arrived in St. Louis that I would like to share. I needed to leave St. Louis to grow up. I was never going to grow up here. Adulthood would not have been achieved hadn't I moved to Austin. Even now, I sorta feel like a kid again, running around, eating Steak N Shake food with my buddy Roach late at night (yes, I've already been.) I sort of have this giddy high-school-ish anticipation for the reunion this weekend. Feels like I am 16 again the week before my homecoming dance. There is something very intoxicating about feeling like you are 16 again; when the only thing that mattered in life were CDs, chicks and cars. There was nothing else. Oh, and how nice it was.

Tomorrow, I meet up with "the girls" to finalize some of the details of the reunion. I am very much looking forward to this reunion. It has been a blessing from God, and I am thankful that He has entrusted me with this task.

losing it

2006-09-18T21:00:00.000-07:00

I've lost 4 pounds this week and I am really excited. Eating healthy isn't all that bad actually. It takes a little more forethought and intension, but I think I like it. I certainly have more energy because I've been working out every day, and eating better. Eating well also makes the "fun" meal that much more exciting. Eating well all the time sorta makes the fun meals bland when they come up. I'm kinda digging this.

I'm coming out of my funk a little. I was just so exhausted from being the Austin/Gateway social butterfly. I tell people back in St. Louis that my social calendar gets planned on it's own without much intervention on my part. I do like that it sorta takes care of itself, but at the same time, It can be overwhelming, especially when a lot of people come to to me because somehow, they think I know everyone and always know what's going on. What the hell.

I finally did a major upgrade to the stereo in the car. It sounds soooo much better. Makes me happy. Even Evans was impressed.

i got nothing...

2006-09-15T18:09:00.000-07:00

...to do tonight and it feels great. i'm on my ass watching Grey's Anatomy and I've got nothing to do.

I love it.

she's a Mom now

2006-09-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

How are you supposed to feel when your ex has a baby? My girlfriend from college is now a mother to a beautiful little baby boy, and I can honestly say that I am happy for her. But isn't that a little weird? I mean, come on, this is girl that I met in my dorm and got her attention by telling her she had, "Nice Pants." That's the first thing I said to her. It's amazing what comes out of my mouth sometimes. It's more amazing that it worked.

But how am I supposed to feel about that? Should I be sad that it wasn't OUR kid? Or should I be happy that's she's happy with her husband and that she and he have brought this beautiful life to the world? I really think it's great, I really do, but I always wonder, what if... ?

It's really a stupid exercise in which to engage, but in all honesty, I think we all do it to some extent. Obviously I was supposed to be here, in Austin. No doubt about it. This was the course that God wanted for me. It's hard for me sometimes though, when I realize that people from my past do in fact, move on. Their lives didn't stop when I left, they just kept on moving. Why should I expect any less? I guess I'd like to think that there is someone out there pining away for me, hoping, waiting that someday I'll come back into their life. It's stupid, but I'd be lying if I didn't wonder who still thinks about me.

I'm different. I think in general, people don't try to maintain contact with folks from their past. I occasionally think about old friends/girlfriends and wonder what they are doing. But I'll actually call them or shoot them an email. I'd like to know when people are thinking about me, and I think other people want to know that too. I guess I act on it, where most others don't. Is this a gift of mine? Or am I just trying to see if people forgot about me? It's probably a little of both.

I just want to be unforgettable.

Bill looks perplexed

2006-09-09T07:13:00.000-07:00

Former president Bill Clinton getting his new hybrid. He looks a little perplexed, maybe he's not understanding what the Ford guy is saying. At least one US president is doing something positive or the environment.

Green Day was right

2006-09-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

nice guys finish last

second chances

2006-09-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful tonight that God has given me a second chance to connect with a friend from college. My friend Joy spent the weekend with me, and it was exactly what the doctor ordered. Joy and I didn't really have an opportunity to get to know each other very well in college, but I always wanted to. This weekened was my second chance at that. We spent some time in San Antonio, eating Tex-Mex, going to a 311 concert, hanging out with my friends, visiting 6th street, etc. She helped me get my mind off of work, and the reunion, church stuff, and just hang out and have a good time. I really appreciated her visit.

I sent an email out to all of my friends last week letting them know that I needed a break from the hectic social scene for a bit. It seems like I had so much going on all the time, that I was getting crazy! I didn't feel like I had any time for myself, and when I did show up to something like a Merge event, or a party, I was so worn out, that I couldn't handle it, and checked my personality at the door. I knew that something was wrong when I couldn't bring my "A game" to a Merge event. It's not my way, and I knew that something had to give.

I've also been staying up until 1-2 each night futzing with the Alumni website, or looking for people online, etc. It's been an almost obsession with me for the last couple of weeks. I want this to be a successful event. I want people to show up, and have a good time. I want people to look back at this event fondly. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity; your 10 year reunion only happens once. I want this to go well.

I'm thankful for these things:
1. My awesome, understanding and supportive friends
2. The reunion
3. My MacBook
4. Joy's visit